I blame my pill... but I'm a bit emotionally... void

I feel the need to hold back from people, just hole myself away and wait for better days
not that anything's bad as such, just... something doesnt feel right, and I want to contain myself til I figure it out

but yes, I blame the hormonal level in my body caused by the chemicals I take so that I wont fall pregnant
and seeing as this particular cocktail keeps me from concieving by convincing my body I'm already pregnant, and therefor dont need to release any eggs... I find I'm really not cherishing the idea of what an actual pregnancy might bring upon me should and when it does happen.

it's the feeling of not knowing which way Up is, or what I'm doing, or where I'm going, or anything...

maybe it's just unrest from a lack of job, a lack of motivator to get me up in the morning to do somethng, anything

as to the not engaging with people... andy's asked me to go over tomorrow and spend the weekend... originally he;d asked me to go with him when he left here Sunday, but I have this Dr's appointment tomorrow, and so far I've said I'd go over sometime after that... but I'm thinking I'll put it off and go over friday night instead
well, I do now have something to do, the quick start guide and user manual for Mark. I dont have a deadline, but I'm guessing sooner rather than later, and I've not done anything for it today. If I go to evesham, I know I'm unlikely to do any work on it there... at least here at home I'm more likely to get some work done on it...
if not, I do have three projects I wanna get under the sewing machine... a couple I've been meaning to finish for ages now, basically they just need the waistbands sewing on, hardly a long investment. The first also needs the length playing with, I'm thinking of taking it up about 3 or 4 inches, it'll look more 50's esque that way. at the moment I think the length is a bit akward on me, although mum says it's fine. it's not ankle, nor is it mid calf... I just think mid calf would be a little better. The second needs embellishment around the hem too which I still need to finalise, and I'm now thinking of putting a little net or voile underskirt in it to legnthen it, but we'll see. Waistbands first. the third project is a little funky cocktail type dress made with whats left over from lining andy's coat. I have enough for the main body of the dress, but it needs a bit extra for the neckline and center front... I wonder if I have enough navy left from that second skirt... hmm...

I like dressmaking, can you tell..! :p
that cheers me up :)

its like everything else tho is incomprehensible to me at the moment... and even with the dressmaking, I have a very limited attention span, hence having three projects out at the moment!!

so anyways, yes, I may be quiet for a little while, waiting for things to come back down and make a little sense again.

til then, if you ask, I'll tell you I'm fine