and here goes the heartbreak all over again...

getting stood up the other weekend got me thinking, bad I know... and yes, I was right before that all this chatting online to various guys has been all in an attempt to distract me from Josh...
these last couple of days, partly fueled by a friend urging me to say something to him, I've been caught up totally in my own head thinking about him, wanting to be with him, have his arms around me again etc etc etc...

so today, he's leaving work as I'm heading out on my 'lunch' break... we wander towna a little, then end up at Costa so I can eat, and for the 1st time EVER he didnt have a coffee!
anyways, we get to talking, and he starts 'I've got somehting I want to talk to you about'
good start, straight away I know it's gonna be something I dont wanna hear, yet a little part of me shines with hope that what I'm feeling is mutual again...
no such chance... this time round he's telling me he'd 'enamoured' with one of our temps
and to be honest, it doesnt surprise me at all... as soon as I met her I knew she was his 'type' (If you'll forgive me being so cliched)... I just wasnt quite sure why he wanted to tell me... and now I kinda wish he hadnt, although I suppose I should be glad, I can rest the thinking...

but yes, that's been eating away at me for the last 3 hrs or so

I feel angry with myself for getting swept up, for knowing to keep things as just freinds in my head, but still going on and day dreaming we'd be together...

it just hurts, and I'm fed up with hurting!

now more than ever I want someone to hold me, shush me, and tell me it's all ok...